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February 6 2013

I’m so good I write fan-nonfic

January 30 2013

*1

Dear vegans,
How come alligators are allowed to death roll a deer into the water for a grueling and painful death but I can’t eat a chicken nugget?
Sincerely,
Concerned citizen

January 29 2013

*15

The stages of obtaining a smartphone

  • Omg this thing is gorgeous!
  • How the fuck does this thing work?
  • Dude look at all these awesome apps!
  • Dude how do I get rid of all these apps
  • Shit this game is addicting
  • I need a bigger BATTERYYYYYY
  • Why are you so slow?
  • I need a new phone.

December 15 2012

*1

This man wanted to be our president.

December 9 2012

*4

Ok so in home alone you know how he wishes his family is gone, and they accidentally left him? What if that was his wish coming true.. And not an accident?

December 7 2012

I like this one actually. xD

November 29 2012

*7

What’s the waiting day period for being tumblr famous? I’m thinking about reinstating my order.

November 26 2012

*8

This is America people

  • Hanukkah: The Maccabees successfully rebelled against Antiochus IV Epiphanes. According to the Talmud, a late text, the Temple was purified and the wicks of the menorah miraculously burned for eight days, even though there was only enough sacred oil for one day's lighting
  • Kwanzaa: week-long celebration held in the United States and Canada but also celebrated in the African Diaspora. The celebration honors African heritage in African Canadian and African-American culture, and is observed from December 26th to January 1st of each year
  • Christmas: this big ass dude flies around the world with his sleigh pulled by flying reindeer. He lands on your roof and goes down the chimney and leaves you a bunch of free shit. He then shoves some candy and toys in the sock you hung over your fireplace and eats your food on his way back to his house on the uninhabitable north pole where he has a bunch of happy midgets that make name brand shit all year.

November 25 2012

*3

Here’s another!

November 20 2012

*24

Most uttered phrases during Dead Space 2 so far:

  • me: woooah.... WOAH.... WOOOOOAH WHAT THE FUCK
  • Me: So I just... Do this and... NO. NO FUCK I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS.
  • Me: wait...... Wait!.. WAIT I SAID WAIT I'M NOT PREPARED.
  • Me: Why?... This shouldn't be a thing.. NOO I DON'T WANT THAT!!
  • Me: WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE RELYING ON ME TO DO THIS??
  • Me: I really hope you're fake... Don't make me fight it... I'm fighting it.
  • Me: This is going on my blog.